Money matters are one of the leading causes of stress in relationships, and financial issues can sometimes be a silent destroyer of marriages. When partners fail to align on financial goals or expectations, it can lead to tension, mistrust, and even divorce. However, many of these issues are avoidable if couples are willing to address the “red flags” early on. From secretive spending to neglecting joint financial planning, spotting these warning signs can make all the difference in protecting your relationship. In this post, we’ll explore some of the most common financial red flags that could signal financial difficulties in your marriage as well as strategies for how to handle them before they spiral out of control.

Careless attitude toward finances

A major deal-breaker in relationships is a partner’s attitude towards debt and finances, particularly when they adopt a flippant or careless mindset. Phrases like “it doesn’t matter,” “we will always be in debt,” or “we’ll deal with it later” signal a lack of accountability and long-term financial planning. When one partner is careless with finances, it can create significant stress for both individuals, particularly since they are supposed to having same financial goals. For example, ignoring debt or overspending without concern for how it affects the relationship can undermine the trust and stability that marriage is built upon.

Carrying a credit card debt

For me personally, a major red flag is carrying a credit card debt. And not doing anything about it. And that tells a lot about you. Having a credit card debt that never goes away, tells me you are not managing your finances properly. As you probably know, carrying a credit card debt is bad for a few reasons. Especially it is bad because of the high interest. Credit cards often change their interest rates and they are never below 10%, no matter which bank or which credit card you are having. And even worse, the longer you are carrying the debt, the harder it will be to return it back.

And this is why exactly this might be a red flag. If your partner is having a credit card debt for a longer period of time, it could affect you and your marriage in a bad way. If the debt is not being paid down, it could negatively affect both your spouse’s credit score and possibly even yours, especially if you’re linked through joint accounts or loans. Furthermore, the debt can be source of stress and anxiety. It usually affects both of you in a bad way. If you are not feeling well, you can bet your relationship will suffer as well.

Having unreasonable expectations

I have a friend who believes her husband who is working two low-quality jobs should be able to pay off her debt as well as provide multiple vacations a year. The expectations she has don’t seem grounded in the reality of their current financial situation. If he’s already working hard just to make ends meet, expecting him to do so much more could set both of them up for failure and frustration. Things change and it could be that he finds a better job. But at the moment, she is acting unreasonable. If your partner is doing the same, call her or him out. Usually it is the women who have unrealistic expectations, that is for sure. Either way, it is something you should work on. If you just met your partner and you are thinking about marrying her or him, then think twice.

I must admit, if your partner has unrealistic expectations but is willing to listen, learn, and adjust when it’s pointed out in a constructive way, then there’s room for growth. As they say, practice makes perfect. So it is good idea to practice having reasonable expectations. In this case, communication is key. Marriage is all about compromise. And you will have to compromise on a lot of things. If one partner is entitled to spend all the money on various stuff without a care, then you are going to run into problems. People can change and grow over time, but only if they’re willing to acknowledge their faults or areas where they need growth. So talk to your partner. Ask him questions. Try to understand how they think. How they perceive money. If your future wife or future husband think they are entitles to spend and spend endlessly, then sooner or later you will run into problems.

Lying about finances or financial situation

Lying is a major red flag. Not just when it comes to finances, but in general. I should probably put this on the top. One of the biggest red flags is if your partner lies how much they are in debt or your soon-to-be spouse lied about their financial status. If they are lying right now, what will happen in years to come? Always think twice when someone lies about the finances. It might not matter if we are talking here about small expenses, but huge expenses, debts or even payday loans might be a breaking issue in your relationship. Marriage equals transparency and trust. If there is no any of that, then what is the point, right? If your partner lies or hides the expenses, it also means they are not respecting you. They are acting on their own. Hiding expenses a no-go for me.

Asking about your financial status too early

It is alright to talk to your spouse about finances. That is something you should do. But if you just met a new person you are interested in, it might be a red flag if they ask you about your finances. Your income, your debt. For all you know, the other side might be a gold digger. It also depends on the circumstances. If you know the person for a while and you think you like them, then you might get a question about your financial situation. In my eyes, that is not necessarily bad. For example, if a woman asks you if you are having any debt, it might mean they just don’t want to get into a relationship with someone who is financially reckless. The debt question is a legit question, honestly. On the other hand, if you want to ask your potential partner about their financial status, but you don’t want to sound rude, you could ask them in a way “Is your debt under control” or even better “Are you financially secure”. Those questions are not rude. You are legit interested in that person and just want to know their status.