Money is often said to be one of the top sources of conflict in relationships, yet it’s also a vital part of shared life goals. For married couples, one of the most important financial decisions they face is whether to combine their bank accounts or keep them separate. While some couples find strength in the simplicity of joint accounts, others value the independence that comes with maintaining a separate bank account. Which one is the better choice? Sometimes it is hard to tell. Here I will try to give pro’s and con’s of both options and you can think about which one suits you better.

I think when asked, most people would say that a joint bank account is better. I mean, at the end of the day, why would you marry someone you don’t even trust. Joint is also easier if you communicate well. If you trust your spouse in general and if you trust that your spouse is decent with money, then joint is the right option. What is interesting, is that usually the couples who married young, have joint accounts. This has something to do with the fact that when you are young, you are more open and ready to share your materialistic stuff as well as non-materialistic stuff with the world. You care less and you are less cautious. And who is the better person to share your life with, including money, than your own spouse?

Another factor that you can consider is – how much you make? A friend of mine is a medical doctor who makes over 400k a year. His wife is a stay-at-home mom. And his income goes to the joint account. His way of thinking is – if you don’t trust your spouse, why marry him or her? And my way of thinking is pretty much similar. Another great idea that I learned from someone is to have both – a joint account as well as separate ones. And I personally like that one. This approach would mean, that each spouse would have to contribute a certain percentage of their income into the joint bank account. They are also free to contribute a certain amount of money into their own separate bank account as well, depending on their own decision.

Communicate with your spouse

I would say it all boils down to the communication. If your financial goals as well as management style are aligned, it makes sense for having only a joint account. Keep in mind that you and your spouse are a team. Salaries will fluctuate through years. And things change in life as well. You and your spouse will go through a number of changes throughout your marriage: changing companies, having kids, different salaries at different job positions. Some of you might even become a stay-at-home parent after years of working at a good company and making good money. And that does not mean that suddenly, if you are not contributing to the joint budget actively, that you should not participate in joint finances and financial decisions.

In marriage, you are meant you are spend all your life experiences with your spouse. Your ups and downs. And this is a good point as those ups and downs might mean that everything is shared, even money. Many couples find the concept of split finances a bit absurd. However, the proponents of split finances might have a good reason for it. If each of you have a separate budget, that also means that each of you can spend a certain amount of money on the things they like or want to have. So instead of having to ask your spouse, you are free to do with your money whatever you want to do. This works better for couples who are not tight on finances though. If both of you are earning well, then it makes more sense to have some kind of split finances, in my opinion. This way, how and when you spend your money won’t be a priority in your marriage.

If you want to have split finances as well as one common bank account with your spouse, and you are earning good money along the way, it is not a bad approach to have four bank accounts: two separate bank accounts, one joint account and one joint savings. In the personal accounts you can put small amounts each month so that each spouse has its own budget to spend on things they like. In the two joint accounts you would then keep money meant to be spend by you together. That way you can have the best of both worlds – having one joint budget as well maintaining independence at the same time. Of course in this case, the personal accounts are meant to be spent on day-to-day stuff and the joint accounts require more planning, budgeting and of course more discussion between you and your spouse – where and when do you want to spend your actual savings.

Separate financial accounts might be a better solution

Older couples might be more interested in having separate finances. It is not uncommon for older couples to have separate finances because of the inheritance or because one of the spouses has been married before already. In that case, usually spouses would have some money that already saved in earlier years or inherited wealth from their relatives. Separate accounts also make more sense if one of the spouses is a shopping lover and a consumer. It would save you hours of discussing “What’s this $95 charge from…”, and since you have separate budgets, it would not even matter. Older spouses who have been married in the past already, might realize over time that they care about money and budgeting than someone else. Over the years I learned that money is a big reason for fighting and having separate bank accounts solves this type of problem.

I also heard about one interesting concept that sounds reasonable to me: having a joint financial account for common expenses like: rent, groceries, car insurance, common bills. That way you and your spouse are sharing common expenses, while having your own accounts at the same time. You can even ensure that contribution to the joint budget is fair in a way that the spouse with a bigger income contributes a bigger percentage of their income to the joint account. You can still be transparent about personal accounts. It does not mean that you need to hide something or that you are actively hiding something. Some people just love to have their own financial security that they are not sharing with anyone.

Should you have joint or separate financial and savings accounts also depends on your place of living. It is normal in some cultures that people are more ‘selfish’, so to say, and usually in those cultures people are more prone to having personal separate accounts. In some cultures, like East Asia, most couples have joint accounts because a husband is more likely to be working and supporting the family, while wife is very often stay-at-home mom who raises children. And that is one aspect that you can also think about. In the end, there is no one solution for different couples with different lifestyles. But what I know for sure, that communications matters the most here.